As for UFO, some people think you had to “cheat” to get to Ultima, and In another book, Inside UFO , you learn about a wonderful. In another book, Inside UFO , you learn about a wonderful planet called Ultima. The only way to get there was not to follow Bantam’s standard warning. Inside UFO — A Hidden Ending You Can Find Only by Cheating. Bantam Books. The rules of Choose Your Own Adventure were pretty.

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And that one picture definitely looks like a giant flying dildo.

Retro Book Review: Inside UFO 54-40 (Choose Your Own Adventure).

Personally, I feel that spending all of eternity on a giant flying dildo would be much worse than sleeping for a billion years. At least after the billion years you could wake up and see how awesome or terrible Earth has become after that. This book teaches kids a great lesson: I look for such article along time,today i find it finally. I’ve never read on of these kinds of books, but I would probably flip through the entire thing before trying to “make my own adventure” Cause I’m a cheater like that lol.

Boy you really got this one wrong. That dildo looking thing in the cover is not a space ship but a gigantic cigarette, see the filter on the left end. Those fluffy ball things are cigarette burns.

Inside UFO 54-40

The rest of the book is just BS. The “unfindable Ultima puzzle” cave me nightmares when I was a kid!!! May be the guy was just trying to say, “Ultima doesn’t exist.

Stop looking for it and wishing for some magical landscape, kid. insids

choose your own adventure – How do we reach Ultima? – Science Fiction & Fantasy Stack Exchange

Life isn’t easy and you don’t get to stumble on Utopia just like that. Hmm you might be right!

I didn’t think about it that deeply – I figured the writer was just trying to 54-0 more mileage out of his book by making Ultima impossible to find.

Although the message could also be that cheating gets it faster, haha.


Remember those Choose Your Own Adventure books where after every page it gave you a choice of what you wanted to do in the story? I remember I tried one once and ended up getting killed, so I got pissed and never tried again.

This is the cover. I haven’t read the book yet, so I’m going to make a prediction of my outcome in this journey inside UFO See that giant, white probe-like object hurtling through space? Yeah, I’m definitely going to get probed by that thing. Either that, or that Asian girl is really an alien and she’s going to probe me with that mini Easter Island statue she’s holding, while its father the bigger Easter Island statue watches, pervertedly.

Also, I am going to try to choose my adventure carefully so that I can get it on with that vagina-lip-bodied spider thing. Oh, and see those fluffy ball things floating around the top of the picture? After I bang the spider she’s going to roll me up in one of those cocoons so that our love-babies can feast on me when they hatch. That’s just my prediction, though. In a day, or however long it takes me to get probed because really, what else is going to happen on a UFO?

So I read it. The book had WAY less sexy-time than I had predicted.

Okay, let me summarize the situation. I was on an airplane when I saw a giant dildo flying through the sky, when suddenly I was transported onto it. They provide a handy map of the dildo – the airplane is shown for size comparison. The aliens flying the UFO are trying to get to a paradise planet called Ultima, which they have been trying to find for thousands of years.

There is another place called Somo where they make you “sleep for a billion years” if you are bad. There are 4 kinds of endings: Here’s how they go: I end up either trapped on the ship for all eternity or die. It is all eternity because on the ship I never age, so really being stuck on the ship is akin to granting me immortality. Not all that bad. But the endings where I die aren’t great.


I get to go back to Earth. Sometimes I forget the whole situation happened, sometimes I learn a lot and get to inform all the Earthlings of my experience. This ending is available only once, but you get sent to Somo to sleep for a billion years.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds very relaxing. Inaide ending is bullshit because it isn’t even really an ending. You literally have to cheat to get this ending. But you go to Ultima and everyone loves you and you can transport to and from Earth whenever you want, blah blah blah.

My first adventure on the UFO lasted exactly 6 pages before the aliens kicked me off their ship and erased my memory. I don’t know if that means I made the right or wrong choices.

From then on I kept hearing about how awesome Ultima was, so I had to try every possible scenario until I finally found it. In one ending, I got captured by Russians. I shit you not. But alas, there was no Ultima to be found. After I was sure I had exhausted every scenario, I just started going through page by page looking for what I had missed until I found a page I hadn’t seen. It said “You did not make a choice, or follow any directions I had found Ultima!

Basically, this book is teaching that if you don’t listen to anyone, cheat, and don’t make choices, you will be greatly rewarded. Oh well, I did meet some good friends. The sexy spider on the cover, Qally, for instance. I didn’t get to impregnate her, though, unfortunately. I also met this:.

The way she strokes that rod and the perfect height of her several mouths Just look at my face! BooksReviewThrift Store Adventures. Miss Sassy Pants July 13, at 8: Shane Pilgrim July 14, at 9: Nicole July 15, at 8: Hunkest July 15, at 9: Srini December 22, at 2: Woody December 22, at 3: Newer Post Older Post Home.